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  • Writer's picturehannah kinsey

Pandle's Playlist: October 2022

October's Pandle Playlist was tended to by the lovely Soonz / Sunni Jo and the written part comes from Max aka amooddude.



The Vibe


This month Sunni brings with her a special message surrounding autism awareness. It comes with just a glimpse of what it is like to struggle as a person on the neurodivergent spectrum. Ultimately, they have to learn how to live, be social, and interact with a world that has proven to not be sensitive to their struggle, which calls for them to learn how to adapt. In many ways this can be a frustrating process, bc how do you interact with what seems like an alien world without losing authenticity to yourself? Shit, I say lean into it. I (Max) have lovingly (and unknowingly) been around autistic people for a lot of my life, but those that have taught me the most have been my partner Des, Sunni, and my son. With that being said, a reminder: there will always be your special brand of people out there to love you without bounds and who will accept you for who and what you are. So to wrap up the intro, here is October's playlist which will call for you to feel into the experience of life as a person on the spectrum. And also jam out a bit :)

I absolutely love that this list starts out with the song A.U.T.I.S.M. by cupcakKe which in the beginning mimics my sentiments in the intro.

"Every kid with autism know that my heart with 'em. Rather listen to him than the friends he brought with him. Warrior, not a victim, it's rougher than hard denim. Picture bein' on beat but they call you a off-rhythm. Okay, here come anxiety, scared to step in society. Voice shouldn't be judged if it's used loudly or quietly. Nothin' weird about 'em, it's just a fucked up view. He bleed the way you bleed, and his shit red, too.

From then on we get into songs like The Outsider, Fake Happy, and mememe which really illustrate this image of loneliness despite being surrounded by people. There is a guardedness about it too, which could be a learned coping mechanism created based on an accumulation of social / interpersonal interactions.

“These people are weird in here and they’re giving me the fear. Just because you know my name doesn’t mean you know my game” - The Outsider by MARINA

"I've been doing a good job of making them think I'm quite alright, but I hope I don’t blink." - Fake Happy by Paramore. With this comes masking, which is a behavior that autistic people learn to implement to seem more "appealable" to the people surrounding them. "If I change who I am and how I appear to other people, I will be more likable. More acceptable." But that doesn’t mean we're being authentic. It just means we're acting Fake Happy.

After this, we become exposed to feelings of fear, frustration, and anxiety with songs like Ghost, I drive me mad, overwhelmed, and I Can't Handle Change. These songs are not being knowledge their own pain around these concepts and bring with them this sense of self-frustration. This is something that I can really feel into bc there's this thought of, "Well I am the common denominator here, it must be me." And while it must seem that way, there is so much more that plays into it. I love the online awareness that is being built around neurodivergence. It really gives hope to this thought that maybe instead of trying to force neurodivergent people to conform, we can instead just bring them in, love them, and accept them for exactly who they are.

No changing them. No shaming them. Just love. Just acceptance.




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